I think for the most part it is something that rarely gets enough attention (maybe outside the obvious fabrication of videos and images - although, it seems that as often "knowing" isn't doing anything as people still seem to strive for the fake looks).
Despite what the successful people want to believe themselves, and what they tell everyone, the greatest predictors of success are the financial security of your parents, and a massive portion of luck.
Maybe that needs more attention, but obviously, and even scientifically (yes, heaps of data available on this) the successful people do not believe that this is the case :( . Thus, I guess, we never will hear or see that propagated en masse.
I agree with the luck part, but the part about the greatest predictor of success being the financial security of our parents. I'm not sure if I agree with that. I know plenty of people who grew up with successful parents but didn't do much with their own lives.
I think the biggest predictor of success is the people you CHOOSE to surround yourself with. If you put yourself in the room with the right people they can shift your mindset/beliefs and propel you forward.
If I'm missing something please point me in the right direction, I love being wrong :)
Being happy with your current life has become such an act of rebellion. I'm increasingly content with mine, which isn't to say it doesn't ruffle other people's feathers, out of envy, comparison or an imagined "better" life. Another great essay!
As someone who is now on something of a comedown from self-improvement, I relate a lot to what is being said. We're made to feel guilty if we're not 'getting ahead', except (as you say) we never get ahead. Having said that, I think life is a game of seasons, and I'm glad I went through this self-improvement weirdness. Being able to bench two plates DOES feel good. We need to keep what is useful and leave what is unnecessary.
As someone who has done a lot of therapy, I’ve realized my goal in therapy is simply to be who I am, as I am, all the time.
I’ve been trying to live with the mantra: “I alone am enough”. Far from pushing me into asceticism, it reminds me I can be at peace here and now and helps me resist the temptation to strive unnecessarily (I often fail).
Too many good points to congratulate you on all of them, haha.
I like that you at least mention that nothing that is "self-performative" is necessarily bad or wrong - but the moment we try to impose towards or "absorb" through other people, then we are running a dangerous game.
A game we cannot win, because you can never truly be the other person.
You cannot become "like them", despite what everyone and everything is telling us. Our lives are so different and individual that "[your] future results may vary" is not just a financial slogan anymore, it should be a disclaimer on every single recommendation.
I particularly like your last paragraph:
I think that the continous atttenion of progress towards goals and rewards has ruined many parts of our lives (particularly our health and wellbeing). We have completely moved away from the "now", form just being here, whether it is fun, terrible, painful, challenging, easy, simple, hard or anything else, and are constantly chasing SOMETHING.
The game is rigged and the goal posts will always shift - great reminder.
Enjoy the sunshine my friend!
Thanks Brian!
Yes, that line is a bit underrated here.
I think for the most part it is something that rarely gets enough attention (maybe outside the obvious fabrication of videos and images - although, it seems that as often "knowing" isn't doing anything as people still seem to strive for the fake looks).
Despite what the successful people want to believe themselves, and what they tell everyone, the greatest predictors of success are the financial security of your parents, and a massive portion of luck.
Maybe that needs more attention, but obviously, and even scientifically (yes, heaps of data available on this) the successful people do not believe that this is the case :( . Thus, I guess, we never will hear or see that propagated en masse.
I agree with the luck part, but the part about the greatest predictor of success being the financial security of our parents. I'm not sure if I agree with that. I know plenty of people who grew up with successful parents but didn't do much with their own lives.
I think the biggest predictor of success is the people you CHOOSE to surround yourself with. If you put yourself in the room with the right people they can shift your mindset/beliefs and propel you forward.
If I'm missing something please point me in the right direction, I love being wrong :)
Being happy with your current life has become such an act of rebellion. I'm increasingly content with mine, which isn't to say it doesn't ruffle other people's feathers, out of envy, comparison or an imagined "better" life. Another great essay!
Thought-provoking. Obviously, as you touched on, there are healthy and unhealthy ways of grinding it. Here’s to a healthy balance.
Agreed!
As someone who is now on something of a comedown from self-improvement, I relate a lot to what is being said. We're made to feel guilty if we're not 'getting ahead', except (as you say) we never get ahead. Having said that, I think life is a game of seasons, and I'm glad I went through this self-improvement weirdness. Being able to bench two plates DOES feel good. We need to keep what is useful and leave what is unnecessary.
Thanks Ben...and as somebody who fell 10kg short of two plates, I applaud you 💪🏻😅
Great piece.
As someone who has done a lot of therapy, I’ve realized my goal in therapy is simply to be who I am, as I am, all the time.
I’ve been trying to live with the mantra: “I alone am enough”. Far from pushing me into asceticism, it reminds me I can be at peace here and now and helps me resist the temptation to strive unnecessarily (I often fail).
Excellent piece.
The success of the self-help business reminds us that: it gives us exactly what we want.
We want to believe it’s possible.
And just like meeting a celebrity, we believe that some of the shine from the accomplished will rub off on our sorry souls.
Learning from others, like through books, can certainly be useful, but all too often warp our expectations on what is possible.
Too many good points to congratulate you on all of them, haha.
I like that you at least mention that nothing that is "self-performative" is necessarily bad or wrong - but the moment we try to impose towards or "absorb" through other people, then we are running a dangerous game.
A game we cannot win, because you can never truly be the other person.
You cannot become "like them", despite what everyone and everything is telling us. Our lives are so different and individual that "[your] future results may vary" is not just a financial slogan anymore, it should be a disclaimer on every single recommendation.
I particularly like your last paragraph:
I think that the continous atttenion of progress towards goals and rewards has ruined many parts of our lives (particularly our health and wellbeing). We have completely moved away from the "now", form just being here, whether it is fun, terrible, painful, challenging, easy, simple, hard or anything else, and are constantly chasing SOMETHING.
Thanks Marcin! Glad you got something from it, seems like you have given this topic a lot of thought already